Conflicted

It had been an emotional ride leading up to, and after,  the airing of ABC’s Portrait Artist of the Year, in which I was a contestant. I was sleep‑deprived from building my website, promoting my participation on social media, and engaging with the public.

It felt strange being the centre of attention. I received congratulations, best wishes, and generous compliments from many people, but there were also criticisms of the artwork I produced during the competition.

When I came home after watching Episode 1, I was overwhelmed. There had been so many “Look at me, look at me, look at me!” moments. It felt uncomfortable, even narcissistic.

The irony was not lost on me that I decided to paint a self‑portrait. I took a few photos of myself with my hair loose and bare‑chested. What I saw was a middle‑aged man conflicted by the choices he has made in life, and the things he knows he must do to promote himself and his art practice.